Before You Get in the Room

My favorite leadership room - my Ann Arbor Office:)

Make sure you know what you’re bringing with you.

On Monday, I spent the morning surrounded by an incredible group of executives, entrepreneurs, innovators, engineers, investors and women in technology at the Ann Arbor Women in Tech event.

The room was powerful.

Not just because of the impressive titles, companies and accomplishments represented inside it, but because of how the women were showing up for one another.

There was a beautiful spirit of connection. Women pushing each other forward, sharing ideas and offering resources. The vibe, simply said, was abundance over scarcity.

Women championing women.

One of the speakers asked us to choose five words to describe ourselves.

Five words. Should be easy, right?

Until you actually have to choose them.

As I thought about my words, I realized they were very different from the ones I would have chosen when I worked at Google.

Back then, I probably would have described myself primarily through the lens of my career: leader, decision-maker, expert, overachiever, capable and high performer.

Those words were true. They represented a huge and important chapter of my life.

But they are no longer the whole truth.

Today, I might choose funny, curious, creative, courageous, energetic and honest.

Okay, that is six. You know I have never been great at following the rules.

I am still a leader. But I am also a coach, speaker, author, podcast host, leadership-program creator and entrepreneur. I am building businesses and experiences that do not always fit neatly into one sentence.

And I am finally okay with that.

The speaker’s exercise reminded me that getting into the right room matters. But before we enter, we need to understand exactly what we are bringing with us.

How we tell our stories can shape the opportunities we receive and the connections we make once we are inside. People want to understand where you can add value, what matters to you and how you might become a strong partner.

If you do not know how to tell people who you are, what you care about and what you want, how can they possibly champion you?

Confidence Needs Evidence

We tend to talk about confidence as though certain people were simply born carrying it around.

But confidence is not a permanent personality trait. It is something we build over time.

We build it by looking honestly at what we have already done, remembering the challenges we have moved through and recognizing the impact we have made.

We also build it by challenging the stories we tell ourselves.

The story in your head might say:

I don’t have enough experience to be in that room.

But perhaps the fuller story is:

My experience is different from theirs, and that difference may be exactly what I contribute.

Your story might say:

Everyone else already knows one another.

The fuller story might be:

Every relationship in that room began with somebody introducing themselves.

In Bring Your Big Energy, I ask readers to examine these stories through four questions:

• What stories am I telling myself?

• What is true about them?

• Can I reframe them?

• What else could be true?

That last question is one of my absolute favorites.

What else could be true?

You are not trying to replace reality with empty hype. You are trying to replace an incomplete story with a fuller and more truthful one.

Can You Tell People Who You Are?

T

here will be moments inside the room when someone asks:

• What do you do?

• What are you working on?

• What do you want next?

• How can I help you?

Those are not simply small-talk questions.

They are openings.

But we miss those openings when we have not taken the time to understand and practice our own story.

• We mumble something vague.

• We ramble through a list of everything we have ever done.

• We lead with the name of the company where we work.

• We minimize what we are building because saying it confidently feels too bold.

Or we say, “I’m still trying to figure it out,” when what we really mean is, “I am evolving, and I have not practiced how to explain it yet.”

There is a difference.

So, before your next conference, networking event, interview, pitch, leadership meeting or important conversation, try these two exercises from Bring Your Big Energy.

Exercise 1: Create Your “I Know That I Can” Brag Sheet

Evidence gathering is one way to challenge the stories that fuel imposter syndrome.

Create a brag sheet by completing this sentence again and again:

I know that I can __________.

For example:

• I know that I can lead people through change.

• I know that I can build trust quickly.

• I know that I can make complicated ideas easier to understand.

• I know that I can walk into an unfamiliar situation and figure things out.

• I know that I can have difficult conversations with honesty and care.

• I know that I can bring people together.

• I know that I can begin again.

Do not limit yourself to enormous professional accomplishments.

Think about the challenges you have navigated, the risks you have taken, the problems you have solved and the moments when somebody trusted you to help them move forward.

Then look for the patterns.

What does the evidence tell you about what you consistently bring to the table?

• Maybe you are a connector.

• Maybe people feel safe telling you the truth.

• Maybe you bring calm into chaos.

• Maybe you recognize possibilities other people miss.

• Maybe you are incredibly brave, even if bravery has never felt particularly graceful while you were living it.

That is your evidence.

Those are the strengths you carry into the room.

Exercise 2: Create Your Personal Branding Statement

In the Kinetic Energy chapter of Bring Your Big Energy, I guide readers through developing a personal branding statement.

And let me be clear. This is not about turning yourself into a product or creating a stiff corporate elevator pitch filled with buzzwords.

Your personal brand is the truth of who you are, what you stand for, what you do incredibly well and how people experience you.

It is what you want people to think, feel and remember after spending time with you.

Start with the questions from the book:

• What do you stand for?

• What do you want people to leave thinking about you or feeling about you?

• What are your core values and beliefs?

• What are your key strengths, skills and areas of expertise?

• What qualities do others consistently recognize and appreciate in you?

• What words or phrases capture the essence of who you are personally and professionally?

Use your answers to create a short introduction that sounds like you.

You could begin with:

I am a __________ who helps __________. I care deeply about __________, and I bring __________ to the people and spaces around me. Right now, I am excited about __________.

Mine might sound something like:

I am a coach, speaker, author and experience creator who helps people and leaders reconnect with their energy, recognize what is possible and move boldly toward what comes next. I believe we can transform our lives one quarter-inch step at a time, and I bring honesty, humor, connection and BIG energy into every room I enter.

Your statement should not sound like it was written by a marketing department. It should sound like you on your clearest, most confident day.

• Write it.

• Say it out loud.

• Cut the buzzwords.

• Make it shorter.

• Practice it with your Energy Hype Squad.

Then keep evolving it as you evolve.

Tell People What You Want

Understanding what you bring is only part of the work.

You also need to tell people what you want.

We say we want people to support us, connect us and open doors for us. But then we hide the dream, soften the ask or wait until every detail is figured out before mentioning it.

People cannot champion something you refuse to name.

They cannot recommend you for the stage if they do not know you want to speak.

They cannot introduce you to a potential client if they do not understand the work you are building.

They cannot connect you to an opportunity if you have never told them what you hope to do next.

There is a moment for listening and learning inside every room.

There is also a moment to say:

• “This is what I care about.”

• “This is what I am building.”

• “This is where I create the greatest impact.”

• “This is what I would love to do next.”

That is not being self-promotional.

It is giving good people the information they need to help you.

Bring the Real You Into the Room

Many of us grew up in systems that taught us to soften our strengths, minimize our accomplishments or work incredibly hard and hope someone eventually noticed.

Those systems shaped us.

But they do not get the final say.

• You are allowed to tell a newer, fuller and more truthful story about who you are.

• You are allowed to name your strengths without immediately minimizing them.

• You are allowed to want something and say it out loud.

So yes, get in the room.

But before you do, take the time to understand what you are bringing with you.

• Challenge the story that makes you smaller.

• Gather the evidence of what you know you can do.

• Practice talking about who you are.

• Name what you want.

Because the right room can absolutely change your life.

But first, the people inside it need the opportunity to meet the real you.