Confidence: What I’ve Learned (From Living It and Coaching It)

I’ve been asked a lot about confidence lately.

Where to find it.

How to build it.

How to rebuild it.

How to keep it strong when the stakes are high.

And what I’ve learned, through my own Intensity Points and through coaching leaders across corporate, nonprofit and countless industries, is that confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t have.

It’s something you build deliberately.

One intentional step at a time.

And the women I see thrive over time are the ones who treat confidence as a discipline, not a personality trait, because with it, we are unstoppable.

Here are four of the top patterns I’ve seen consistently build real, grounded confidence.

1. Build an Evidence File

Confidence grows when you can trust yourself.

And trust is built through evidence.

One of the most practical things I have clients do is keep a running record of hard things handled well.

Not just wins (although your performance review IS a great place to start)

Decisions made under pressure.

Conversations that felt uncomfortable but were initiated anyway.

Moments where you stayed steady when you could have spiraled.

Achievements that looking back now, you have no idea how you conquered them

When I was leading a my organization at Google, I didn’t feel confident every day. What steadied me was knowing I had navigated complexity before.

Confidence builds when you:

• Prepare thoughtfully

• Take the action

• Reflect honestly

• Capture what you learned

• Adjust and try again

Over time, that creates internal proof.

And when pressure hits, you draw from that proof.

2. Examine the Story Underneath the Self-Doubt

In Bring Your Big Energy, I write about carrying a quiet narrative into leadership, one that suggested I didn’t fully belong.

That narrative drove over-performance. It also drove exhaustion.

What I’ve seen again and again is that many high-achieving leaders are running old stories in the background:

• I need to prove myself.

• I’m slightly behind.

• I don’t belong here.

Confidence shifts when you pause long enough to examine those stories:

• Where did they come from?

• Are they current?

• Are they real?

When leaders replace inherited (and/or tired irrelevant) narratives with evidence-based ones, their presence changes.

Reframing our failures as learnings, showing up with curiosity even when the last round did not go perfectly.

Confidence isn’t about eliminating doubt.

It’s about ensuring doubt isn’t running the room. It is about questioning it

3. Align Energy With Values

Energy misalignment quietly erodes confidence.

When leaders are consistently operating outside their strengths or values, they start second-guessing themselves.

One of my favorite Big Energy topics to dig into: identifying energy ignitors and drainers.

For me, back when rebuilding from the ground up, I had to understand what was depleting me and what was restoring me in order to lead sustainably.

The leaders who build durable confidence:

• Delegate where they over-function

• Make decisions consistent with their values

• Stop performing versions of leadership that don’t fit

When energy and values align, self-trust strengthens.

And self-trust is the foundation of confidence.

4. Practice Radical Acceptance

This is often overlooked.

Confidence requires clarity.

Clarity requires honesty.

When I hit my wall in 2022, rebuilding started with acknowledging exactly where I was... professionally, emotionally, physically.

Avoidance delays confidence.

Acceptance accelerates it.

Leaders who build resilience don’t ignore reality.

They assess it accurately and respond intentionally.

There is strength in saying:

• This is what’s true.

• This is what needs to change.

• This is what I’m choosing next.

That clarity creates steadiness.

What I Know Now

Confidence isn’t about always feeling certain.

It’s built through:

• Evidence

• Story awareness

• Energy alignment

• Honest self-assessment

I’ve watched leaders transform when they shift from chasing confidence to building it systematically.

And I’ve lived that shift myself.

Confidence isn’t something you wait for.

It’s something you construct, one step at a time, decision by decision.

If you’re ready to build it intentionally:

📖 Grab a copy of Bring Your Big Energy

🎙️ Subscribe to the podcast

💌 Join the Energy Hype Squad

🤝 Or reach out about individual

coaching

Start where you are. Ignite that Spark. Keep going. You got this!